Me.

I presume that you have stumbled across this blog after searching Google for any help possible with depression or cooking.

Before you go on, I don't wish to begin with a false start. I am not a trained chef, or a baker, nor an expert on treating mental health problems or depression. I have taught myself to bake and cook, mainly over the last 5 years. I've made my mistakes and my own personal masterpieces (although not good enough for an episode of the Great British Bake Off just yet!), and I continue to experiment with food, and its associated excitement, disappointment and joy!

My main experience, which is why this blog is relevant to me, is depression. I have struggled with depression, anxiety and eating problems on and off since I was 16. At 26 things became so severe I was forced to leave a job I loved following a crisis. I moved out of the apartment I shared with my partner, and moved back home so my mum could look after me and try to stop me repeating anything that might end my life.

Things were dark and hopeless for months and months, and then I saw one little light. One thing that I could still do, and mostly get a decent result. Baking. So, when I felt up to it (because it is important that you do) I would cook dinners, or bake a cake during the day. It gave me something else to think about... weights, and cooking times, and icing and nothing else. It was hard, because when I stopped the same hopeless thoughts would return. But, being able to walk in the kitchen and look at my creation helped me to see some kind of a future... even if it was for just a short time.

I am now 28, I am still struggling with depression and have been unable to return to work. Although I am working towards this, and hope to return to my career in healthcare in the next year. I was admitted to hospital again and have tried various medications. I have bad days, and not so bad days, and even getting to this point has taken time. But, the one thing that has come and gone, but always returned is my love of cooking.

During a particularly bad time I lost all motivation to cook, and could not find inspiration anywhere. I searched Google for depression and cooking and found no help. However, what I did find was many other people with the same problem. At the time I promised myself that when I felt up to it I would write a blog with the aim of trying to help people in the same situation.

It may seem a minor thing to someone with no knowledge of depression, but being unable to cook or do other things I used to love made me feel even more worthless and hopeless. And, in turn more depressed. Sometimes I would get so stressed out cooking if it wasn't going as planned, and this too would make me feel worse. I learnt to walk away for a while if this happened.

I will try and write as often as I can. I plan to post tips on coping with cooking when struggling with depression (only from my own personal experience) and will post tried and tested recipes, both fast and easy or more time consuming but freezable. I will also post a range of my cake and baking recipes I would attempt on days I felt up to it.

I hope this helps someone in some way. Feel free to comment on recipes or give any ideas that might help others. If my blog is successful I will post an email address and I hope that people will email ideas that we can share with others. If you are struggling with depression you are not alone, although you may not believe me. I have found people within my family and friends who have struggled with the same problems, people I would never have thought it would ensnare... but people hide it from everyone but the closest people around them.

Look after yourself. Lots of love xxx